Keep Factually independent
Whether you agree or disagree with our analysis, these conversations matter for democracy. We don't take money from political groups - even a $5 donation helps us keep it that way.
A short plan (5–7 concrete exercises and conversation prompts) tailored to whether you want mostly non‑sexual bonding, erotic outercourse,
Executive summary
Short, practical plans for either mostly non‑sexual bonding or erotic outercourse are widely recommended by therapists and relationship guides: begin with non‑goal‑oriented touch and communication, progress slowly, and use structured exercises like sensate‑focus, eye‑gazing, and conversational prompts to build safety and desire (see sensate focus and non‑sexual touch guidance) [1] [2]. Sources consistently advise starting with non‑sexual contact and clear boundaries, then adding more intimate or erotic elements when both partners are comfortable [3] [4].
1. Why start with non‑sexual touch: the therapeutic logic
Therapists and relationship experts recommend beginning with non‑sexual touch because it reduces performance anxiety, builds trust, and reframes physical contact as safety‑based rather than goal‑driven; sensate‑focus frameworks explicitly begin with non‑genital, non‑goal touch and only progress to more intimate areas as comfort grows [1] [3]. Practical guides and clinic blogs emphasize routine, low‑pressure affectionate acts—holding hands, hugs, brief cuddles—as foundational daily rituals that reinforce emotional connection [5] [2].
2. A short plan for mostly non‑sexual bonding (5–7 items)
1) Daily 60‑second hug or six‑second kiss at a set time to rehearse closeness (builds ritualized safety) [6]. 2) Ten minutes of eye‑gazing once or twice weekly with no talking—notice sensations and name one grateful thought afterward [3]. 3) Sensate‑focus stage 1: 15–20 minutes of non‑genital, nurturing touch where receiver only notes sensations and gives brief feedback (“that’s nice” / “try lighter”) [1] [4]. 4) Shared activity (partner yoga, dancing, or a hobby) once weekly to create physical cooperation without sexual expectation [7] [8]. 5) Daily micro‑touches: holding hands while walking, shoulder touch while cooking—track frequency for two weeks [9] [5]. 6) Gratitude journal exchange: once a week each reads three things they appreciated from the other [7] [9]. 7) Check‑in conversation (10 minutes) twice weekly using “What felt connecting this week?” / “What would make you feel safer?” [10].
3. A short plan for erotic outercourse (5–7 items)
1) Establish explicit consent and boundaries first: agree what counts as “outercourse” and safe words or signals (sensate‑focus origins stress consent and boundaries) [1] [4]. 2) Sensate‑focus stage progression: begin with non‑genital touch, then mutual outercourse (touching erogenous zones without intercourse) only after comfort is confirmed [1] [4]. 3) Guided “presence” session: 20 minutes where partners alternate giving sensual touch and verbalizing pleasurable sensations (not goal‑oriented) [3] [1]. 4) Erotic conversation prompt set: share one fantasy, one boundary, one remembered moment that felt hot—limit to 10–15 minutes and follow up with comfort check [3] [4]. 5) Playful, low‑pressure touch ritual (e.g., extended, clothed caresses for five minutes before bed) to prime erotic connection without performance pressure [1]. 6) Partner‑led exploration night: each partner chooses a non‑penetrative erotic activity to try (mutual consent) and gives feedback afterward [11]. 7) Safety debrief: 5–10 minutes after every erotic session to name what worked and any discomfort (therapeutic models emphasize post‑exercise communication) [1] [11].
4. Conversation prompts that work for both tracks
Use prompts that prioritize curiosity, consent, and small, concrete requests: “What touch made you feel safest this week?”; “Name one thing I did that felt loving and one you’d like more of”; “If we tried X tonight, what would make that comfortable for you?”; and for erotic entry: “What kind of touch do you notice first as pleasurable?” [9] [3] [4]. Sources recommend keeping prompts time‑limited and non‑judgmental; therapists often pair prompts with sensory practices to avoid performance framing [1] [5].
5. Limits, safety and when to seek help
If these exercises provoke anxiety, retraumatization, or repeated conflict, professional support is recommended—sex therapists use structured progression and can tailor exercises for trauma or attachment wounds [1]. Sources warn that pushing progression too fast undermines trust; the evidence base around sensate focus and staged touch is presented across clinical and popular resources as a gradual, consent‑centered approach [1] [4].
6. Quick notes on evidence and differing emphases
Clinical sources and therapist blogs converge on gradual progression and communication [1] [11], while more general relationship guides emphasize everyday rituals, appreciation, and shared activities [9] [10]. Some sources frame these exercises as part of formal therapy; others present DIY at‑home options—readers should weigh whether self‑guided practice is sufficient or whether a therapist’s structure is safer and more effective [1] [4].
If you want, I can convert either plan into a printable one‑week schedule with exact timings and scripts for the conversation prompts, or adapt exercises for a specific constraint (e.g., long‑distance, physical disability)—available sources do not mention your specific constraint unless you tell me (not found in current reporting).